An Unsent Letter

I just came across this e-mail to Diane, which apparently was never sent. I believe Patrick dictated it on his phone, then left it unedited in the Drafts folder of his mail box. It was dated just ten days before his death, 12 April 2017. I started trying to edit it a little, just putting in paragraph marks and obvious spelling corrections, but I realized it’s better to leave it alone because it’s a kind of stream-of-consciousness chronicle that illustrates the pain he was feeling and his frustration with struggling to focus.

Lovely to hear from you. Life is full of surprises and our adoption to the surprises depends upon our capacities to turn evil in too good. And this back injury is definitely evil.

A result of under certain medicine trends which they could recognize Android from the beginning I now know but I had no idea when they started giving me that stuff or whatever it’s called sea drum she drum teacher no I won’t come out from speech. Anyway it’s an uncontrollable drugs and blood center Edwin I think they have it right I said it up for a month but if you change your food or you do have to add another medicine for some reason I think goes Haywire. So that’s what happened to me I just read me up internally and I wasn’t aware until I started falling over and getting dizzy and friendly dropped it in he never bathroom pissing myself oh the joys of old age. Pretty. Frustrating since I still have the lots of things I’d like to do mostly stories that have not much today  delete killing this one life wish should enjoy  Annex floor to the Limit .  That last line doesn’t make any sense. But not much does anymore.

Drunk president Trump what about Puritan? Not to mention some of the other leaders around the world everybody wants to wear the biggest dick.

line doesn’t make any sense meaning to anyone else but add to the who what was your Call It The Saga of the seven rays.

British football fans just wrecked the Maine Square in Madrid fuc the police got beaten up by the police of course and virtually destroyed the square. Another part of Madrid the Latin Kings fight off other lobbying groups and thinking of writing a story called The Latin Queens they lesbians it will be in each other up and getting up in the street and fight off the police and junk the shops and so on I let all 2 everything that happened after Bob Dylan who is sweetie and what’s his name the Rolling Stones really headed down evil Direction and 70 other people that prefer that direction to the easy Beatles way of praising life Chanel the game is to be tough kick people in the street who is sleeping in a box an old woman who is sleeping in her and I Bank where they have the place to use your credit card to get money a gang of four juveniles poured gasoline on her and burnt today this is all I think Hollywood Evil songs acting on stage slyke devilment his two greatest pleasure inducing people to jump up and down and wave their arms and scream as somebody says something outrageously you but you know how I am I roll around in my brain and find those pessimistic view of the world and no shooting it the guest people in Syria as your sickening okay I’ll let you go out of this hell house that I’m living in and I’m still a coward like always. I have a drawer in there with 3000 milligrams of sleeping pills and I’m just scared to grind them up and drink them because it might not work but it would be a jovvejy relief. Nepenthe!

Love to you both and I hope all goes well . Please stay on touch.