I’ve Had Enough Of This

Here’s a recording with Patrick less than a month before he died. His pain is evident in his voice. I’ve included a transcription below.

PM: … or I can send them to you I guess …

JP: Yes that will be fine

PM: (groaning)

JP: So the stomach still hurts …

PM: (groaning)

JP: The back still hurts …

PM: Yeah

JP: The ribs are better from where you fell? You haven’t said anything about them lately.

PM: Yeah, they’re better.

JP: You probably pulled a muscle up there.

PM: I can still note where it happened. It’s not so painful. Anyway, I’ve had enough of this.

PM: This is the last test. Let’s see if they can figure out what’s wrong, and quickly work on it.

PM: I have to wait until Tuesday to see the doctor who will interpret the results. After that I hope they can do whatever it takes to fix it. Who knows what they can do to fix the spine.

JP: Well, there are a lot of things, but they probably don’t want to do surgery if they can avoid it.

PM: Yeah, of course, but if that’s what it takes, I’m up for it. Somebody… who was it I saw the other day? She was about 80, and she had back surgery recently and was fine.

JP: It makes a difference.

PM: First they have to decide what’s wrong, then what to do about it.

JP: That’s right. Yeah.

PM: In the mean time I have to somehow stay out of depression.

JP: Yes, yes.

PM: That’s a danger.

JP: And stay calm. Not move too much. I’ve probably worked you too hard with our little outings.

PM: Well, I shouldn’t have allowed myself to get carried away.

JP: Yeah. We’ll have those memories anyway, those were…. Despite the pain you were out and about.

2 Replies to “I’ve Had Enough Of This”

  1. JP

    That was hard to listen to. Patrick was suffering and ready to do what was necessary to escape the pain.

    You knew what he would do earlier than this yet you coddled him and demonstrated your love.

    You are a wonderful son and friend.

    Tate 6/18/18

    1. Thanks, Tate.

      I was glad I could be there then, but am sad he had to go when he did. I don’t fault his decision, but that doesn’t make it easier to accept.

      It was also sad that I had no family there with me, but that was probably a blessing in disguise.

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