I have done this drill before.
I have placed three urns into three holes. Practicing these things does not make them easier.
I have two sets of parents, my bio-folks Patrick and Donna, and the people who adopted me, John and Willie, my maternal grandparents.
I am thankful and happy to report that my mom Donna is still alive and well in northern California and we talk every few months. Sadly, John passed away in 1990 and Willie in 1995.
Although I have been focused on Patrick these last days, weeks, and months, John and Willie never long leave my mind. I think of them daily.
I miss John and Willie as much as I do Patrick, but the immediacy of this event, two decades removed from their demise, leaves my emotions regarding Patrick more raw, more visceral.
Unfortunately, I also have far greater responsibilities in this case, as executor, than I did with John and Willie.
It’s unlikely that anyone cares about this complicated history, but I felt it necessary to share it and to say out loud that I loved my father very much, even in his extended absences, but that I loved my folks very much as well, when I was younger and less able to express it.