In memory of Patrick Meadows and Stephanie Shepard
These are recordings of conversations with Patrick from over the years.
Our lives are like birds.
Sometimes they fly together, sometimes one is above the other, or below, but ultimately every bird falls from the sky.
And yet, we somehow still see them, always flying, even after they disappear.
When they don’t return, we can only hope that they’ve just flown away.
(inspired by a conversation with Ivonne on 13 Sep ’17)
Patrick reads this e. e. cummings poem called nobody loses all the time during a brief visit on 22 November 2011. It kinda-sorta seems appropriate for Hallowe’en.
Originally saved as 111122_114948_poem_uncle_saul.mp3. This version shrunk to fit in WordPress, and saved as 111122_114948_nobody_loses_all_the_time.mp3.
Transcript of a conversation with Patrick about teaching and being a night watchman. It was very noisy in the restaurant.
Patrick: That was in Eau Gallie. [Florida]
John: Eau Gallie? Ok.
Patrick: Yeah, after that job, my mother in Winter Park had a neighbor who was the assistant principal of a Junior High school in Orlando, Florida. So she talked to him, and he arranged for me to get a job in Orlando teaching school – that’s my last teaching job in Florida.
John: But then you taught later in New York. But then you got fired from that one because of the …
Patrick: Yeah I got fired a lot of times. I tried to make a list of all the times I’ve been fired from. Very interesting. A night detective job … Continue reading “Teaching and Detective Work”
Another one of those long conversations with Patrick, sharing a bottle Scotch at my dining table and talking about life, responsibility, love, and minding our own business. This one is from 7 Oct 2014 and was transcribed by Christine. The audio file is too big to post here, but if you want to hear it, I can make it available elsewhere.
Patrick: Whatever happens, happens. I did what I had to do, or what I thought I had to do, and you did what you had to do did or what you thought you had to do. And we’re still doing the same.
JP: Un-huh, yep, yep!
Patrick: And of course there’s no one to judge us except you and me.
JP Yeah. Although, I think others who, whose lives we have touched…
Patrick: They can’t judge because they too…
JP: But they will judge whether…
Patrick: Ah yeah, well…
JP: … it’s appropriate. Again, we can’t control their actions.
Patrick: I judge myself more harshly I think than other people, even more harshly than my own kids, I think.
Patrick: On the other hand, I think I have to say, the whole point of my life was to meet Stephanie.
Patrick: And I’m sorry, but all the other stuff was an issue that was just on the way.
JP: Un-huh
Patrick: Because I wanted what I found, and I thought I found it with your mother, and then I thought I found it with, with Mari and I thought I found it with Lois … and I found it… with Stephanie. At this point, Jennifer says, “I’m so jealous of Stephanie.” [laughter]
Patrick: What can you say?
JP: Yeah, yeah. I…
Patrick: But, I was a human being who was also looking for love… Just like you guys.
JP: Un-huh, yep!
Patrick: And my family is just as fucked up as your family. [laughter]
JP: Yep!
Patrick: It’s just I was innocent, escaping that family, but I’m not innocent in escaping this family. I was guilty. On the other hand, I don’t believe I had a choice at that moment. Every time I think about it, I get to the point where I drive out of that schoolyard and I have just lost my job, and my car breaks down, and I lose my job at the newspaper that night, and I’m going then to a little money in Melbourne at the Satellite lounge playing bass, and I still have to wash the diapers.
JP: Yeah.
Patrick: And then I find a job in Chicago and go.
JP: Yep.
Patrick: At that point everything goes like it’s a quantum leap, and it’s a sense of freedom (long pause), and adventure, and love, and still, back there: JP, Jennifer. Oh God, you can’t imagine what it was like. I came back to visit you in the garage apartment in Melbourne, and you fell over the…
JP: Construction set.
Patrick: [laughs]
JP: I thought that was in New York.
Patrick: No no.
JP: Okay.
Patrick: Nah, I came to stay and was in the bed with Donna and you came in excited about what you’d made and you fell over it and broke it. [laughter]
JP: Yep
Patrick: Nothing’s changed!
JP: No [laughs]
JP: I tend to destroy the things I build.
Patrick: Ohh God.
JP: [laughs] …in some ways. I’m much better now at …
Patrick: That was just before I left for Europe. It’s been a long, a long trip.
JP: Yeah, a strange and wondrous journey.
Patrick: Yeah. I’m glad you’re ok.
JP: Yeah, yeah. {pause}. I’m glad you’re still a part of my life.
Patrick: Yeah {pause}. I hope you are able to eh {long pause}, make eh {heavy sigh}… find the other half of yourself … which is always, I think, by naturaleta, by nature, a man and a woman. I think it’s really, in my opinion, it has to be. I hope that you can do that.
JP: un-huh
Patrick: Because life would be so much more beautiful, that’s all. On the other hand, it’s not my business… [JP and Patrick laughs], it’s your business. I have to say eh, life with a woman is twice as valuable as a life without a woman because there are four eyes and the world is multiplied. Anyway, it’s not my business.
JP: [laughs]
Patrick: Wow! [Looking at the bottle of Scotch we’re drinking]
JP: [laughs] Yeah…I noticed the quantity there too…
Patrick: You are James’ son! [Jameson]
JP: Yes!
[laughter]
JP: Ahhh. Well hopefully you will sleep tonight.
Patrick: Well if I don’t,
JP: You’ll sleep tomorrow on the drive up!
Patrick: [laughs] Yeah, that’s right
JP: [laughs]
Patrick: If I fall asleep at the wheel—I’ve done it before—I did it twice, so I’ve… third time’s the charm.
JP: Don’t fall asleep.
Patrick: No, right.
JP: No, let me rephrase that, stay awake.
Patrick: Umm, yep
JP: And I’ll inject a penny into the [negativity] jar. [laughs] I don’t know when I started thinking about…
Patrick: Not using negatives?
JP: … trying to … You know I, there was, there was something or some… I don’t think it’s been that many years but I must have read something or considered something, I don’t know how it was, but maybe I was just thinking about verbs and I have been very negative about a lot of things and I need to stop that.
Patrick: But you don’t need to eh cram it down other peoples’ …
JP: Noooo, I know.
Patrick: I think it kind of becomes a little bit of a headache.
JP: It is, it is.
Patrick: I do the same, And Stephanie used to do it, but very gently. There’s a way of doing it…
JP: I’ve tried to start adopting a more positive outlook. I know I do it a lot with Christine and I think it’s partly because I have … for as long as we’ve know each other we’ve enjoyed each other’s company but it has always struck me as so… I guess I just wanted to share with my feeling that we need to make more positive things, just subconsciously.
Patrick: Yep.
JP: Maybe it’s something I picked up from Toastmasters too, I don’t know.
Patrick: Yeah, could be. But anyway, if you’re saying “Make it positive,” this is already a negative statement for Christine… what you’re doing is not fair… So, be careful.
JP: That’s true
Patrick: Yeah, anyway, it’s not my business, as I say. Did I tell you “It’s not myyyyyy business?” [laughter]
Patrick: I always say to my friends in Spain, Olvidé mi cremallera, “I forgot my zipper!”
[laughter]
Patrick: So, whenever you have the feeling of saying “I know more than you do by eh because you just said something you shouldn’t have said,” I always say “don’t.” It doesn’t contribute, but never mind, it’s not my business. [laughs] It is not my business. How do you say that positively? … “It’s only your business.”
JP: Yeah, that it. That’s right, this is your business. [laughs]
Patrick: This is your business [laughs].
Patrick: It’s been a good life.
I’ve figured out a way, I think, to include some long recordings on this web site. The following items now have links so that you can hear the recordings. It’s not an elegant solution, but it works.
You’ll see the links defined somewhere in the introductory text for each of these conversations. (Hint: look for underscored text.)
You do what you have to do to make a living….. Not one of Patrick’s proudest moments, but something more to add to the long list of things he did to get by. He wrote this in 2004.
I remember Deià when the village was a haven for pornographers. A burgeoning nest of bohemian writers and painters soon becomes a honeycomb for dope dealers, Don Juans, and other hangers-on. Such was the case by the late sixties and seventies.
To cite a few examples: Michael was a pint-sized Manson type who used his sexual charisma to send his women off to Morocco to smuggle hash and kif into Mallorca; when one of these was busted and jailed, he fled his house down the Clot road, leaving quite a few ruffled birds in his wake. Another dealer new to the village showed up one Sunday afternoon with a suitcase packed with slabs of dark brown hashish, but his buyer didn’t show, and he had to sell a key for a pittance to get back to Palma and off the island. And more than one trafficker in acid had graced the village with their dreams; they shall remain nameless, though all residents know who they were. Continue reading “King Leer”
Patrick’s Message to Grand Kids and Much More was posted quite a while ago as a YouTube video so you could hear the audio. (It doesn’t fit on a WordPress site.) It’s a long conversation from November 2011 when I visited him in Deia.
Lee suggested I get it transcribed. I poked around my computer a bit and discovered that I’d had it done back in 2012, so I’ve added the transcription to that page.
Since the recording is 40 minutes long, it’ll take you some time to read through it all. Enjoy!
In addition to Circles, Patrick, Stephanie, and Phil accompanied Lady June in this recording of Loving. Much of this recording is a Lady June poetry recitation, and the audio quality is on the somewhat abysmal side, but perhaps you’ll enjoy the pictures I put to the recording. (Many are re-used from the Circles video.)
Patrick, sent this recording to me on 22 Jan 2014 with the following description.
This is a transcription of a really long recording dated 7 Oct 2014, while Patrick was visiting me in California. It lasted almost 20 minutes, far to big to post on this site. I’ll create a YouTube video for it later.
It begins when he’s talking about music in college. I’d be interested in Lee’s thoughts and comments on this one.
We go on to talk about death and dying, living, and women, and how he explains the life choices he made. Continue reading “We’ve Lived, You and Me, Very Interesting Lives”
YouTube video of a recording from Patrick, sent to me on 22 Jan 2014, along with the following description.
In 1978, before we moved to the House you all know, There was a poetry reading in the French Restaurant. It ended in a free for all between an Irish bagpiper and and Australian poet.
Before that there is this part.
I think Stephanie is performing flute in public for the first time, and I am performing on guitar in public for the last time. I believe it was this 12-string that Gretchen bust over Pedro’s head (RIP)
Lady June is singing(?) and reciting. You can find her on the web Lady June Campbell.